Friday, November 07, 2014

Absence of Prayer

Despite being raised super Catholic, I don't consider myself to be particularly religious.  I do believe in God and I have a deeply spiritual side, but I don't feel the need to go to church to worship and praise or have a conversation with God.

That being said, I feel like I've forgotten how to pray.

I've been attempting to have a conversation with God (or whoever is listening) all week, and I can't seem to get past a few sentences before I just give up.

I don't recall ever having this problem before now.

I've been under an extraordinary amount of pressure in recent months and my level of anxiety is the highest it has ever been in my entire life.  I'm pretty tongue-tied on a daily basis, so maybe that's part of it.  I can't seem to quiet my mind enough to form a coherent thought--so I guess I'm mentally tongue-tied, too?  I also feel a little embarrassed about my prayers.  Mostly, I want to shake my fist and scream about how just about everything feels unacceptable, but at the same time, sheepishly ask God to help me figure out a way to make it all better.  Actually, in a perfect world, I just want Him to fix it for me right, I wake up tomorrow and it's all better.  I'm not going to wish for that, though, because with my luck, I'd wake up dead.  Hee hee.  Wake up dead.

I'm not doing so good in the "Let go and let God" department, but at least I'm keeping a tiny bit of my sense of humor.

For now, even if just for these next few minutes, I'll keep my eyes on what's good in my life.

  • The dogs are snuggling nearby and being surprisingly well-behaved.  And their body heat is keeping my feet warm.
  • I finally found a specialist who takes our insurance so we can get our kiddo evaluated for a medical issue.
  • Netflix and HuluPlus are awesome and way cheaper than cable.
  • I have a little container of pumpkin cream cheese that I was snacking on with some vanilla wafers earlier.
  • Hot dogs for dinner tonight because it's Friday and I don't much feel like making a big meal tonight.
Yay for the little things!

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