Saturday, August 03, 2013

Remembering

I remember a quote that I heard who knows how long ago from Maya Angelou:  "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

I've always appreciated those words and found them to be true.  Mostly true.

I think they may be mostly true for other people.  Less so for me.

I'm blessed/cursed with a very long memory that clings to details.

I do remember what people say.

I do remember what people do.

And I do remember how they made me feel.  I should add that I do a relatively good job of not "blaming" my feelings on others, but I'm careful to acknowledge when I feel hurt or angry (or happy!) and what occurred to spark to those feelings and what I can do to take responsible ownership of my feelings.

Anyway, the remembering part.  It makes my life and relationships more challenging than they should probably be--I remember things that I'd rather forget...certainly things that others would prefer for me to forget.  But I don't.  I just don't.  I work hard not to obsess, but it's not even about that.

It's about being vulnerable.  And being guarded after someone takes advantage of that vulnerability.  And not being willing to take the risk of being vulnerable again.  Which means I choose not to let people get close to me, even though I may desperately want that closeness. 

Come close, but stay away.

I know how that feels.

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