Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!

I usually enjoy Halloween, but I'm having flashbacks to last year when I was horribly sick.  I woke up around midnight burning up (but strangely freezing) with a hideous sore throat and stuffy nose.  I've been taking Zicam and drinking warm water with honey and lemon.  I even got desperate and threw a tablespoon of vinegar into a 12oz glass of water and chugged it.  It doesn't taste all that good, but for whatever reason, it seems to help.  I also caved in and bought some nighttime cold medicine--hopefully that'll ease my symptoms.  I need good rest tonight because I have an early meeting tomorrow.  Speaking of rest, that brings me to my update...

1.  I was in bed at 9:46pm last night.  GO ME!  I'm feeling sick enough that I'm actually aiming for 9:30pm tonight, whether or not housework is done.

2.  I didn't exercise last night.  I felt weirdly fatigued--which I now know is because I was getting sick--but I did walk a few blocks today when I took my kiddo trick-or-treating this evening.

3.  Was off work today, so I ate lunch and dinner at home.  Lunch was a sandwich, nothing fancy.  Dinner was pork chops and mashed potatoes.  And I heaped my potatoes with a pile of green onions.  My breath may be stinky, but I got a good dose of vitamins and it counts as my veggies for the day.

4.  Did some laundry today since I was home.  Washed, dried and folded 3 loads.  Just need to get them put away, which I'll be doing while my kiddo takes a bath tonight.

5.  Missed my flaxseed and Vitamin D today, but I think I balanced it out with my immune-system-supporting tablets. 

I'm kind of bummed that I'm not feeling well, because Halloween is my favorite time of year and it was hard to enjoy it.  That being said, though, I had a nice time with my kiddo, got to help out with her classroom party and spent a fun couple of hours with her.  We're chilling out for a little while longer and then it's off to bed for her. 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Five Again

It occurs to me that accountability is probably the only thing that's going to keep me going with a healthier, taking-care-of-myself lifestyle.  That being said, it's back to the Five Things in Five Days.

1.  Bedtime.  10pm.  Last time, I got pretty close, but I really need to hit that 10pm mark for myself.

2.  Exercise.  I got lazy.  I'll do something each day to get moving and shaking.  Or at the very least, taking a stroll around the block.

3.  Lunches.  And dinners.  Keep bringing those lunches to work.  For this five day routine, I'm going to make a point of eating at least one vegetable each night at dinner.  Even if it's broccoli every single night.

4.  Laundry.  I will do at least one load of laundry each day.  I get so irritated when it's piled up and we go through enough clothes, towels and sheets that I can complete one load each day...and by "complete", I mean washed, dried, folded and hung up or put away in drawers.

5.  Supplements.  I should be taking flaxseed oil and vitamin D.  I'll make a point of getting my daily dose in this week.

That's about it.  And I'm cheating on laundry a little.  I already did 3 loads today so the rest of the week isn't so burdensome with mountains of stuff to be folded and put away.  :)

Friday, October 28, 2011

Today...

...is a better day.

Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

I have A LOT of cleaning to do.  I can't stand it when the house gets so cluttery and messy, so it's going to be a long evening.  I can't look at it anymore.  I've already gotten one bag of garbage together.  It's not anything nasty, but junk mail piles up, the kiddo's school papers pile up, hubs leaves his stuff all over the dining room, and unfortunately, the bedroom has become a catch-all for when there isn't a place for something.

I've had enough.  This happens a few times a year, where I just get kind of neglectful of the house, but the holidays are fast approaching and I don't want to have to worry about this nonsense later.  I'll tackle what I can in the next two days.  Part of what motivated me was last week's "Five Things In Five Days".  I did pretty good with cleaning/organizing one thing each day and it's just carrying over.  I'm glad about that.

I also told my kiddo that I'm throwing away all of her old crayons and markers.  She was horrified, but I explained that half of the markers are dried up, the crayons are a broken up disaster...so we'll start from scratch with a new box of markers and a new box of crayons.  Her face lit up like a ray of sunshine.

Speaking of sunshine, the days are getting way shorter.  I miss seeing the sunshine in the evenings.  Snow will be here before I know it...eeek.  Not quite ready for that yet.

What I am ready for is to tackle another load of laundry, so off I go!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

On My Own



If I had known ten years ago that today would be ten years from now, I may have done a few things differently.  There's no way to un-do anything, and I maintain that I've learned lessons from everything that has happened, but...I'm feeling a little lonely and a lot sad tonight.  And kind of disappointed in myself.

I never thought that I'd be hitting my mid-30s, juggling two jobs, praying to keep the bills caught up, praying that my next cancer checkup goes okay, managing a home and family, quietly packaging up my hopes and dreams and storing them in a corner of my heart because it hurts too much to completely let go of them.

It never occurred to me that one day, I would cross the line from being a loner, to feeling alone, to feeling lonely.  Most days, I don't mind being alone.  As much as I can be a big, social, kooky spazz, I'm more quietly introspective and I like my own company.  I'm comfortable with it.  Lately though, as things have been catching up with me, I find myself longing for something different. 

I find that I long to be different, even if only for a little while.

Every so often, I feel like I've lost myself, that I've gone missing from my own life.  Like I'm an impostor in my own life.  And there isn't a milk carton in the world big enough to profile my missing self.  That's something I have to find on my own.

She's out there.  Or here inside me.  Somewhere.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Nope, not Rice Krispies.

My knees.

Ouch.

A few days of high-impact workouts and my knees are paying the price.  The crunching sound is making me cringe.  I slathered on a bunch of Icy Hot and I'm taking it easy tonight.  It feels weird not to work out now that I'm back in the habit, but I'm going to be a good girl and listen to my body and just rest.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I'll do Pilates, maybe swimming depending on what time I wake up.  I miss swimming.  My schedule is so packed these days, the only time I can go is when the pool opens at 4:30am and truth is, I'm just not that motivated to get up so early.  I barely sleep as it is, so getting up that early is not particularly appealing.

I know it's only Monday, but I'm looking forward to the weekend.  It's going to be quiet, I'm going to work on finishing the kiddo's Halloween costume, finish a puzzle, do some cleaning.  I know it's nothing glamorous, but there's peace in the routine of simple tasks.  Ooohhh...and I think I'm going to take in the fun, haunted activities at the zoo Saturday night.  That should be a great time!

Until then, though, I have a bunch of stuff to take care of, including a stack of papers to grade.  Fooey.  More nonsense later...

Friday, October 21, 2011

5

Day Five...I have to give myself a little credit.  This round of Five Things in Five Days wasn't perfect, but if nothing else, it was kind of a catalyst to get me blogging again.  First, my summary...

1.  I cleaned and organized the top of my desk at work.  Mostly it came down to catching up on filing--I never realize how many papers I've collected until I need to get them in their proper places.  The only pile of papers left are all actual work that I have to do on Monday.

2.  I did Pilates last night.  I started a Firm workout tonight then got sidetracked when the kiddo was having trouble falling asleep.  I finally gave up, snuggled with her and read a book.  I'm going to make an effort to squeeze in a morning workout tomorrow.

3.  Simple lunch again: Sandwich, yogurt and apple.

4.  I got to bed at 10:36pm last night.  Definitely later than I would prefer, but I got my workout in and I felt really good, so it was okay.

5.  Update posted.  :)


This week made me realize how much I miss writing, even just small, little, inconsequential things.  I have so many things in my head on any given day and I always think I'm going to find some bucket of time somewhere--an extra hidden hour here or there--and I'll be able to write.  Clearly, life and time don't work like that, so I need to just write when I can. 

I mentioned recently that I've just been feeling blue.  I know it'll pass in time, but when it happens, things just look bleak and I feel miserable.  I'm kind of a worrier to begin with, but when I'm feeling down, that worry takes on a life of its own and I find myself anxious about the smallest things, then I get upset.  I know it's silly.  Like today, I started getting all upset because the flash on my camera isn't working and the cost of fixing it is almost the cost of a new camera.  I realize this isn't a big deal, but I got so irrationally upset over it.  And truly, the irrational part is that I ALREADY KNEW THE FLASH WASN'T WORKING.  It's not like it snuck up on me.  It hasn't worked for months!  Today, though, BAM!  Just got all bent out of shape over it.

The good thing is, it's the end of the day.  It's 9:45pm and I'm actually blogging in bed.  The sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I can start a new day and hopefully shake off this cloud hanging over my head.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

4...

I'm still doing my thing this week!

1.  I cleaned the dining room table.  It had become a "catch all" for school papers and arts and crafts.  All better!

2.  I'm getting ready to do my Pilates DVD as soon as I'm done posting this.

3.  Brought lunch to work and ate it.  Nothing fancy.  Sandwich, yogurt, apple.

4.  Was ASLEEP before 10:15pm last night.  AH-MAZING!  I won't get to bed by 10pm tonight.  When I created this list, I didn't take into account my late night teaching.  I'll be in bed by 10:30pm, though.  I just want to make sure I do Pilates first.

5.  Update posted.  :)

Tomorrow is Friday and I'm wearing jeans and my favorite green sweater to work.  I hardly ever get to wear jeans to work anymore, so this will be a nice change.  And I'm happy that it's chilly enough to wear that sweater--it's all comfy and warm.  Yay for Autumn!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

3...

The cool thing about the daily posting of my "five things" is that it typically makes me think of other things to write about.  That's a good thing, especially considering the long dry spells between posts this year!

So...

1.  I cleaned and dusted the top of my dresser last night.  And I found a few dollars worth of change.  Nice!  Tonight, I cleared off the kitchen table.  It's amazing how quickly the mail and school papers piled up.  All done!

2.  Missed Pilates last night...kiddo was having a hard time.  But I woke up at 5am (no alarm!), hung out in bed until 5:30am, then did Pilates this morning.  AND I did a Firm workout tonight.  Nice!

3.  I blew it at lunch.  I did pack a good, healthy lunch, but caved in when hubs asked if I wanted to meet him for lunch and let me pick.  We went for Mexican and it was yummy.  (It's probably good I did two workouts today.)

4.  Technically, I was in bed at 9:59pm last night, but it had been a long, difficult day and the hubs and I talked until about 11pm.  At least I was relaxed and fell asleep right away.

5.  Update posted.  :)

Aside from all that, I've been having a hard time with feeling kind of blue lately and can't seem to shake it.  I have no doubt that part of it is the fact that I've been sleep deprived for so long, but I don't know.  Something else feels a little off.  Not sick, but just something not quite right.  I've been under an unusual amount of stress at work so that's probably part of it, too.  I know it will pass, but it's hard to have a positive outlook when things are not just unpleasant, but flat out dangerous.  That's a story for another time.

I was supposed to finish grading midterms, but I think I'm going to play around on the internet for a while and zone out before bed.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Truckin' Along

Okay, this whole accountability thing is good for me!

1.  Towels were folded and put away last night, sheets were washed and put back on the bed, my bookcase is clean and dusted.  Tonight, I'm tackling the top of my dresser.

2.  Did Pilates last night.  Depending on when the kiddo goes to bed tonight, I'll either do Pilates again or a Firm dance workout.

3.  Did not bring lunch to work today BUT instead of going the route of getting something unhealthy, I drove the extra 4 miles to go home and eat a bowl of cereal and some fruit.

4.  Got to bed at 10:16pm last night.  Not entirely my fault, the sheets weren't quite dry, so it put me a little behind.  Aiming for 10pm tonight.

5.  Update posted.  :)

My kiddo is having a really difficult evening.  Something happened at school today, some mixup on the library computer and she accidentally got access to an audio/e-book that was beyond her grade level and scared the daylights out of her.  She's been crying intermittently since I picked her up and can't seem to calm down.  It's so hard for me to see that she's so upset and nothing I'm doing or saying seems to be helping her feel better.  I know she's growing up, but she is and always will be my baby and it hurts to know that she's so scared.  I'm kind of mad at the school, but I guess the computer things wasn't really anybody's fault...but of course, I'm the one dealing with the fallout, not the school, so that accounts for the grumpiness on my part. 

We'll be doing lots of talking about guardian angels tonight and how they protect her from imaginary witches.  (Sigh)

Monday, October 17, 2011

Gittin' It Done

Well, day one of five is going okay...

1.  I folded some towels that were left on the couch and I'm going to straighten up my bookshelf.

2.  I have a workout DVD ready to go as soon as the kiddo is in bed.

3.  I ate leftover pulled pork chili for lunch, along with string cheese and some fruit.

4.  I was in bed by 10:06pm last night.  I'm hoping to shave off those six minutes tonight.

5.  I'm posting my update.  Go me!

Aside from that, though, I have been beyond frustrated at how cluttery my house has been.  Working long days, teaching and juggling the kiddo's school and homework is daunting and my house is suffering.  I finally told the hubby that I think we need to convert the spare bedroom into an office and get the living room cleared out.  The spare bedroom was supposed to be for another baby, but unfortunately, that's not happening anytime soon, if ever, and I think the space should be put to good use.  I honestly get angry at the clutter and it messes up my nights.  Not good. 

We're also desperately in need of new carpet and furniture.  Those are luxuries that we can't really afford right now, but on the other hand, I'm also tired of sinking almost to the floor when I sit on the couch.  We bought the couch and loveseat seven years ago--it was a floor display at a furniture store that was going out of business.  It was pretty abused, but we got a sweet deal on it and it's lasted far longer than we thought it would.  I've been flipping through furniture ads trying to figure out what we can afford and I was pleasantly surprised by some of the deals out there.  I think with the economy still suffering, stores are trying to lure customers in with good prices, plus with the holidays coming, there are some pretty good deals.  I wish we could afford all new flooring, but I think the furniture needs to come first.  We'll see.  I'm getting antsy and tired of waiting for a "good" time to take care of things.  I'm no longer convinced that there's ever a really good time to do anything. 

Anyhoodle, that's about it.  I have to go clean up from dinner, finish up some laundry and then get my workout in before bed.  More nonsense later...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Attempts to Keep My Sanity

The past few weeks have have proven, once again, that my failure to take care of myself and refill my tank with some "me" time, results in crabbiness, being quick-tempered and generally unhappy.  In an effort to start feeling better, I decided it was time to pull out my trusty "Five Things in Five Days" plan that I started a while back...five simple things to do in five days to make me feel better, make my life a little easier, whatever.  Here goes:

1.  I will clean or organize one thing each day.  Not necessarily a whole room, but maybe a cluttered spot.  Something easy to tackle that will make me feel good when I'm done.

2.  I will get some type of exercise.  In the crazy chaos of my days, I've stopped taking care of myself physically and that needs to change.  Even if it's a short walk or a Pilates DVD, I will do something each day to get my body moving.

3.  I will bring lunch to work each day this week. 

4.  I will make a conscious effort to be in bed by 10pm each night.

5.  I will make a conscious effort to blog each night about how I'm doing with this happy little list.

Let's hear it for accountability.  I've posted it, now I have to actually do it!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Time Eater

I don't know how other people refer to it, but when I'm scrambling to get things done or trying to find time for the things I actually want to do, I always say, "My time is just eaten up."

And yet, who/what is eating my time??


Yeah, that guy holding the fish is totally eating my time.

P.S.  I found this picture on the internet when I looked for ugly fish pictures.  Because I thought ugly fish were eating my time.  But nope, pretty sure it's the dude in the pic, not the beast with the scary teeth.

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Wondering

Last Monday night, I was sitting on my bed, eating candy, icing my badly bruised wrist (whatever, don't ask) and contemplating the major questions in my life. Like...

 Would a career at Macy's as a perfume girl been a better option than what I've been doing?

 It's fall?  How? I thought it was still July!

 Why exactly did I ever think it was a good idea to work two jobs?

 What's holding me back from having a little more fun in my life?

 Am I going to look like Bea Arthur when I get old?

Who really put the bop in the bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop? And who put the ram in the ramma-lamma-ding-dong?

What if the hokey pokey really IS what's it's all about? (This question bothers me a lot.)
 
Mostly, I wondered how and why I let myself get so tired that I think about such random stuff!