Saturday, April 23, 2011

Unknown

When it comes to me and my health, I don't like the unknown, but I tolerate it. I haven't done much in the way of following up on the dizziness, etc. I'm not blowing it off, but putting it off to focus on whatever is going on with my kiddo.

Kids get tummy aches, I know they do. But kids should not have tummy aches that leave them doubled over in pain, gasping for breath and trying not to cry. I feel horrible because the first few times she complained about a tummy ache, I gave a rather typical mom-response..."Try to go to the bathroom." My kiddo looked up at me and growled, "It's not that kind of tummy ache." Blamed it on stress, blamed it on the school lunch, tried to ignore it, but after a few days, it became obvious that it wasn't any of those things, it wasn't fake and we had no idea what was going on.

Our pediatrician, who I love (and I mean that, I love him like family), saw her last week, gave us some suggestions and said he'd see her in a week. We saw him yesterday and he didn't like what he saw/heard. She's feeling worse and the pains are getting more intense and he can hear abnormal sounds in her abdomen. He can't feel anything when he examines her, so he decided it was time to start investigating further. He sent us over to the hospital for tests--and I felt so guilty in the waiting room, knowing that the tests are needed, but trying to squelch the worry about how we're going to pay the bill when it comes.

Our hope is that it's just a little dysfunctional part of her bowel, moving out of sync, which can cause quite a bit of pain. Nothing can really be done for it, but it's relatively harmless. Doc has no reason to believe there's an obstruction, but he's checking for it. Also checking for a range of infections and disorders through labs. His concern right now is whether there's an ulcer, ulcerative colitis, Chron's Disease, Heaven forbid a tumor or something equally insidious. He's hoping--we're all hoping--that it's nothing and all these tests are nothing more than a precaution.

But I don't know how to get rid of that nagging fear that something could be seriously wrong. I'm trying to give it over to God, but there's a part of me that would also like to kick God in the shin if He showed up in my living room right now.

This is not the worst thing that could ever happen and I know that. And mostly, things are fine. But it's amazing how fear can clamp down and take a stronghold when the future is so uncertain. I'm trying to find joy in small uncertainties in life (a challenge for me), but this is a little too uncertain. So, we wait and find certainty next week when the test results are in.

Looking forward to a quiet weekend and Easter. Hoping the same for everyone else, too.

No comments: