Monday, March 28, 2011

I Knew It!

I really get a kick out of making bad jokes about my job. My job is the most amazing, fulfilling and agonizing thing I've ever encountered--outside of parenthood, that is. Last year during a Knights of Columbus fundraiser, I was walking a radius around the office building outside carrying a container and asking strangers for spare change and giving them a Tootsie Roll in return. As I sweated out there in the afternoon sun, I thought, "I always knew if I worked in social services long enough, I'd end up on a street corner asking strangers for money." When I moved from my badly overheated and windowless office to a nicer, upstairs office with FOUR windows, I thought, "I always knew if I worked here long enough, I'd end up on the second floor." Today, as I sat in the doctor's office after work and he told me he needed to get an MRI of my head, I thought, "I always knew if I stayed in this line of work, I'd need to get my head checked." Funny! Well, the part about the MRI isn't so funny, I guess. I fell down at home yesterday and cracked my head on the wall. Even worse, I was holding my kiddo when I fell and she hit her head, too. We're both totally fine, but I went to the doctor and explained that I had a wave of dizziness right before I fell. He thinks it might be an inner ear problem, because he tried to get me to stand perfectly straight in the office and I almost fell again. Curse vertigo! I learn something new everyday, though. I had no idea that an MRI of my brain would show a problem with my inner ear. Fascinating!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Almost a Decade

Our ten-year wedding anniversary is creeping up on us. I'm stunned...amazed...maybe a little horrified. Okay, not horrified. :) Impressed might be the best word. Anyone who knows us would probably agree that us making it to ten years seemed highly improbably since the day we walked down the aisle. But that's us. Defying the odds since 2001.

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Stress...Tastes Like Chicken

Old, gross chicken. Actually, I've never eaten old, gross chicken, so I guess I don't really know if that's what stress tastes like.

What I do know is that stress leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And that, my friends, is directly related to heartburn. Nothing seems to help it these days. I'm pretty sure the only thing that will eventually help is reducing my stress levels.

I don't know how people live with so much stress. I really don't. I've been working hard to take things in stride and not freak out (too much) about things that are not in my control. It ain't easy. My crusty, rusty armor is finally cracking. I know I'll cope with it and manage as best as I can, because that's what I always do, but...well, "but" what? I don't want to. I don't really feel like coping and managing. It would be pretty neat to just dump my worries and troubles on someone else and let that person fix it.

I've also learned that stress leaves me feeling incredibly tired. Or maybe I'm tired because I'm working 60+ hours a week. I suppose that might have something to do with it!

Hmm. Kind of a downer post. I need to lighten up a bit. This makes me smile...

Monday, March 07, 2011

Hardy Har Har

I'm going to start this post by saying something that I know is not true.

God is having a good laugh at my expense.

Okay, I don't really believe He's laughing at me, nor do I really believe that He's the cause of my recent troubles.

I do believe that my frustration is getting the better of me. I can get pretty emotional and irrational, just like anybody, but most of the time (whether it's because of my job, being a parent or whatever), I do a good job of being even-tempered. It's not always easy, mind you, but I manage fairly well.

Lately, though, I've been pretty testy, feeling down in the dumps and very anxious. My boss got snarky with me last week and I don't respond well to personal attacks. So, I've been letting myself stay irritated instead of getting over it. Not long after that, my husband found me crying on the couch at 4am. Crying? Yes, crying. I was crying because I was so exhausted and could not sleep. And I could not sleep because I hear the incessant noise in the pipes that right now, we really can't afford to fix. But we have to fix it, because very soon, we need to get this house sold (or the hubs needs to find a job ASAP). And who's going to buy a house with a noisy plumbing issue? Then I get all anxious about that, on top of everything else I'm anxious about--work, home, finances, gas prices, health insurance (you know, things that lots of Americans are facing on a daily basis). Anxiety is no fun, let me tell you. I walk around with a near-constant weight on my chest, that weird feeling in my head and a slightly foggy mind. Then I get mad at myself for being anxious. Mad at the economy. Mad at the hubs for not having found a job. Mad that the housing market stinks and even though we need to sell our house, finding a buyer is going to take a serious stroke of luck with so many homes right on our street in foreclosure.

Mad that my life isn't what I planned for or hoped for right now.

Mad that it seems like I have to accept that part of adulthood is trading in the dreams I had for the reality that is mine right now.

Mad that I can't seem to relax. Ever.

I get grumpy about it for a while and then just figure out how to move on. It's not like my circumstances are going to change overnight. Unless I win the lottery. Or a very, very wealthy relative (or random stranger??) decides to give me a bunch of money. Not likely!

On the bright side, spring is right around the corner and crocuses, daffodils and tulips will be blooming shortly. I typically have a nice floral display in the front yard. Maybe that'll be a good selling point in another month or so?