Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Week So Far

I'm very happy tomorrow is Friday. So far this week, I've fallen in the garage, dealt with a rat issue at work, spilled peach yogurt on a white sweater, fell in the snow, fell on the ice, fell out of my office chair...

There seems to be a "falling" theme here.

Can't wait to see what the weekend brings!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Memory Keeping

Most of the time, I think I'm a pretty good friend. I'm there for the people I care about, genuinely want them to be happy and will give of myself unconditionally to help them reach their goals and be as content and happy as they can be. Historically, I have a very small group of friends. I'm not really a social butterfly--I prefer to surround myself with people I know very well and who know me very well in return. My inner circle of friends may not actually be friends with each other, but they are my friends, and I love them fiercely.

Which is why it hurts so much when someone decides not to be part of that circle anymore. Even worse when they take off with no explanation. I worry and internalize enough to wonder if I said or did something wrong.

Friends break up all of the time and certainly no explanations are necessary. I guess I just feel that after years of sharing hopes, dreams, laughs, tears, worries, fears about the future, regrets about the past, hope for what might still be, sharing hugs and high fives, using each others' shoulders for crying and ears for listening...when you connect on that deep level, it just seems like there should be something, even just a, "Hey, nice knowing you, but I'm outta here."

This happened to me once before with someone else and I was sad for a long time. I'm feeling that same old sadness as I silently bid farewell to someone who's obviously already long gone. I have lots of good memories of what, for a while, what I thought was a rock-solid friendship.

There's a poem somewhere about friends coming into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Looking back on it, the signs were there that it would not be a lifetime friendship. I suspect it was a reason for that person, a season for me...and I know that I will take those lessons of friendship and carry them with me for my lifetime.

And even if I don't feel like I'm okay with it now, I believe I'll be okay with it later.

Friday, January 21, 2011


So, I had this great post started in my head, but now that I'm sitting here, I can't think of what I was going to write. It's been one of those days. Um weeks. Months? Months is probably the most accurate.

My dog is having a hissy fit and I'm really annoyed by her whining. If she wouldn't have chewed on my shoe, she wouldn't be banished to the basement right now. Of course, it's like her own little palace down there with her food and water and Ikea rug and toys and blankets. Crazy dog. She's really just whining because she wants my shoe.

Mmm...what else?

It's really cold here. Really, really cold. I like the cold, but this is the kind of cold that HURTS. I walked across the parking lot at work and couldn't feel my face when I got into the building. My kiddo took her gloves off for about two minutes and now has chapped, raw skin on her hands. (FYI: Aquaphor is healing it up really fast.)

I've also learned that I need to NOT eat fast food. It's gross and makes my tummy hurt. I hardly ever eat fast food, today was an exception and I'm sharply reminded why it's a rare exception. I do not feel so well. Ick. I'll be drinking lots of water to make up for the salt intake and swimming some extra laps to burn off the calories.

Speaking of swimming, I went to my swim class last night. I really like the instructor, but she's a tyrant (in a good way!). We ran drills for 45 minutes. My arms and legs are so sore today that if I was in a bad B-horror flick, I would have to just lay down and let Freddy, Jason or whoever get me. I don't think I could get my muscles to work well enough to even try and run away. I need it, though, because I want to try the endurance clinic in the spring and those are two-hour sessions. Why would I do that? Well, mainly just because I want to see if I can do it. The other reason is that the park district does have a swim team...and I'm giving a teeny, tiny bit of consideration to joining. Very teeny, tiny, but we'll see how it goes. That wouldn't be until fall, so I've got lots of time to try and get ready. I'm not a fast swimmer, but I'm getting better.

Anything else? Not really. I think that since it's so quiet around here for a change, I might crawl into bed early and read a book. That sounds like a good plan.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Message From...?

I think the universe is trying to send me a message. For the past 8+ months, I hear the same two songs every single day, without fail, often back-to-back. They're not current, popular songs, so it's not only weird that I'm hearing them so frequently, but also hearing them so frequently together or very close together. I mentioned it to one of my friends the other day and she asked me how on earth I managed to pay attention enough to realize that I've heard them both daily for so long.

Well, I heard them back-to-back on the radio back in early May after a really good day, and as I was driving home, I remember thinking that I really like both songs and it was a nice way to end the evening. And then I thought it was funny when the next day on my way to work, it happened again. That evening on my way home, I heard one of them, and then the next morning on my way to work, I heard the other one. And during the day, I heard both of them again. I thought it was funny and a little weird, so I switched radio stations in my office--to a country station--only to hear a country re-make of one of them. That stopped being funny and was just plain weird.

And every day since, I hear them.

First song? "Collide" by Howie Day.

Second song? "Come On, Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson

So, what is the universe trying to tell me?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Mundane Monday

Not too much going on around here today...pretty quiet. My kiddo was sick earlier, so I left work around lunchtime so I could be home with her. The hubs is teaching an afternoon class and today was the first day--not a good idea to cancel class. It worked out, though. I had a nice afternoon, just hanging out with my girl. I don't think the chocolate chip cookies I made will do much for her upset stomach, but she only ate one. We'll see what happens. Her energy level seems to be up a little bit, so hopefully she's on the up swing and can go back to school tomorrow. I really felt bad about it today. She woke up around 4am complaining of a tummy ache. She was up for a little while, but went back to sleep. This morning, she was a little pale and tired, but I got her up for school. The hubs asked if he should keep her home and I was like, "Nah. She can go. Besides, she can't keep missing school, blah, blah, blah."

Suffice to say, they didn't make it out of the driveway this morning. That was a little "mommy oops" on my part. Ah well.

Tonight, I have to catch up on a few things for work since I missed the afternoon, then have to get things together for the class I'm teaching this semester. This is the first time in a LONG time that I'm only teaching one class. I'd been teaching 2-4 nights per week and I decided it was just getting to be too much. This will be a nice change.

As an added bonus, since I'm not teaching so much, it means I have more free nights and I'm taking a swim class on Thursday nights starting this week. I'm looking forward to getting into the pool again. I haven't gone in at least two weeks and I'm feeling it--especially around the waistline. Eeek! All those holiday calories (you know, the ones that I try to pretend are imaginary) have done some damage. The good thing is that I dropped a pants size a few months ago and gave away my too-big clothes. I have no option but to keep myself in check, because I don't have anything bigger to fit and I sure as heck can't afford new clothes!

That's it. Looking forward to a quiet evening now.

Friday, January 07, 2011

Finding the Good

I had one of those weeks where I understand why people in helping professions feel like their jobs are thankless. I'm proud of the work I do. It can be exhausting and emotional...and yes, sometimes thankless.

I've had things thrown at me. I've been questioned about my motivations for trying to help abused children. I've been told that 6 sessions of therapy should be more than enough to help someone deal with the trauma of sexual abuse. I've been called the c-word (no, not "cute"). I've been told that after someone commits suicide, the surviving spouse needs to just "get over it." Lives of co-workers have been threatened by a violent criminal.

Those things happen on a weekly basis. No joke.

And yet, in between, I find time to laugh with my co-workers. And cry sometimes, too. And find the spark in a little boy's eyes--the same eyes that only weeks ago were vacant, emotionless, feral. And see a woman cautiously lift her head to make eye contact after months of being locked inside of herself after a brutal assault from someone who supposedly loved her.

And I find time to think about the small miracles that happen around me every single day.