Saturday, December 05, 2009

Feeling Hostile

Something has got to give with this economy. It's hard enough to be an average citizen...an average citizen who works hard, pays her taxes, has spent the past 6 months living paycheck to paycheck because my spouse is unemployed, is dealing with a cancer diagnosis, barely keeping it together, etc.

And now, because it seems like THE WHOLE FINANCIAL WORLD HAS GONE MAD, I'm having to fight one more battle...my student loan company sent me a very nasty letter in the mail saying that my account is delinquent. Really? How does that happen when the payment is AUTOMATICALLY DEDUCTED FROM MY CHECKING ACCOUNT? Dumb boneheads.

So get this...I have all my paperwork, perfectly put together, in chronological order, showing my auto payments, verifications, etc. And yet, after receiving this nasty letter, I log into my student loan account online, only to find out that the payment was made, but then sent back to the bank because I'm now enrolled in standard paper billing. Standard paper billing? When I have all the paperwork saying that my payments are automatically deducted? I never authorized a change to go back to standard paper billing.

Wait, it gets better.

The loan company stated in the letter that the account is being turned over to collections Monday. To avoid that, I had to make a double payment online (the November payment that was mysteriously sent back to the bank, along with a late assessment which equals another month's payment). I had to pay online before Monday morning to avoid collections. How f-ing convenient (sorry, terrible language, I know) for the loan company. They get a double payment, plus the December payment. AND they won't let me re-enroll in auto payments because my account is delinquent.

Of course, it's the weekend, so there are no customer service representatives available to talk to. It just really ticks me off, because I made the payment and it's not like the loan company will refund the late charge, even though it's a problem on their end.

I feel like I've been coping very well with things, but this...which admittedly is minor compared to everything else I've had to deal with...this is about to send me over that fine line between keeping it together and freaking out. The proverbial straw, I suppose.

I'm not used to getting angry. I'll get upset about things and get over it. If something leads to me feeling furious, I'll seethe for a while, mentally plot all kinds of revenge and then get over it. Honestly, problems happen and I do pretty well at managing and just getting things back on track. Not lately. I'm angry. A lot. And it's not any particular person or event. It's just a simmering feeling that's always below the surface. It's all I can do to drag myself out of bed and function through the workday without getting snippy with anyone.

I've processed it with the people who are closest to me, and the general feedback is that all the stress I've been juggling has turned into this angry sensation. Maybe, maybe not. I just need to get out of this hole. I mean, I'm honestly fine otherwise, but I don't like this feeling. I definitely prefer my happy self as opposed to this grumpy self.

Actually, just writing/venting here helped. Maybe that's the key. I need to blog more to keep myself sane and happy!

1 comment:

Jim Latchford said...

You and my wife would get along famously. The horror stories she has endured dealing with financial institutions over and over again on the same manner time and time again would make Edgar Allen Poe proud. Don't apologizefor the flirtation with bad language...I've had cable for months. Hang in there...