Monday, February 23, 2009

Daydreams

I've been blogging on and off about how tired I've been, sharing some of my feelings of burn-out. I think I'm reaching a critical point.

I had a fleeting thought today of closing up shop and finding a new career. Granted, it was a fleeting thought, but it was so vivid and just so...dominating. I ended up daydreaming about what I would like to do if I could do anything I wanted. That'll be a separate post all by itself!

I've worked in the mental health field for ten years. Yep. Count 'em. Ten years. I know people who've done jobs way longer than that, and they're genuinely happy. And that's what's throwing me off. How are those people so incredibly lucky (or so incredibly intelligent) that they went into a career they really wanted and have been able to stay with it and not have it feel like work?

Understand that I don't hate my job. I really don't. I truly enjoy helping people, both staff and clients, and I enjoy the relationships I've formed over the years. I like that I've had some great accomplishments and that I've made a difference in a lot of lives. I just don't feel convinced that I want to keep doing it. I mentioned in an earlier post that I've given myself the assignment of being caretaker of the world, but I'm not sure how to go about un-doing that. How can I? How can I suddenly start doing less when people are used to me being the way I am now? Is there a way for me to feel less, to absorb less pain from the people who trust me with so much? Tough questions. Tougher answers. Tougher answers that I'll be contemplating over the next few weeks.

I still feel called to help others, just in a different way. I need to spend some time figuring out what that "different way" is and then determine how and when to move forward with it.

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