Thursday, September 04, 2008

A Fitting Day for Rain

After today, I'll get back to posting about more lighthearted issues. But for now, there are heavier things on my mind.

When I woke up this morning, greeted by a leaden sky, clouds bloated with rain, all I thought was, "Good. It's a fitting day for rain."

My dear friend Kim and her husband Mark are burying their child today, and while I believe that in everyone's hearts, it's always raining the day you put someone you love in the ground, the weather matching today's events just seems fitting.

And then there's another part of me that wished for a beautiful, sunshiny day, for the purpose of giving hope, a reminder that over time there will start to be more good days than bad, that the memories, no matter how short they are, are still beautiful and something to hold close.

If I could march up to the gates of Heaven and bring their daughter back, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But life doesn't work like that, nor does death, and like it or not, the world keeps turning and the days continue to pass.

After leaving the funeral home last night when the wake was over (which, as odd as it may sound, was absolutely beautiful--a wonderful setting and moving tribute to a life cut tragically short), my husband and I talked about what a beautiful baby she was. Is. Is. How beautiful she is. Just beautiful--all pudgy and round and pink the way newborns are. We talked about the love that flowed between Mark and Kim; we expressed amazement at their grace and dignity in facing what is no doubt the worst thing a couple could ever have to cope with. We talked about how it just seemed wrong that cars were zipping along the street, full of people going about their daily routines. It seems like the world should stop for something like this, to give the parents the time they need to try and find some kind of meaning, some kind of peace to carry them through the next dark days they'll be facing.

I've spent a lot of time in quiet reflection these past few days, as is common in many people after a sudden, sad experience. My husband and I talked quietly on the way home last night about our beliefs and God's plan. I think I'm a pretty good Christian, at least a decent Catholic, but I don't believe that it's ever part of God's plan to break the hearts of two loving, wonderful, good people, who planned and prepared for a child that was wanted so much. I don't always buy into the fact that everything happens for a reason, that there's meaning in every tragedy. I believe that God was grieving as much as every person in that chapel last night. While I believe that He was joyous in greeting little Alyssa with outstretched arms when she passed into Heaven, I also believe that He knows the grief a parent feels at the loss of a child, and there is no joy in that for Him. I don't believe for even a second that this is some kind of test or some kind of punishment. I believe in a God that shares in our joys and sorrows--but it's up to us to let Him share in that.

There's really nothing more to say about it, nothing more to do, so I'll end here. I've been poking around on my favorite blogs, though not commenting much. I'll get back to that soon, too!


Charlene said...

I believe satan is the one who kills steals and destroy's..the word say's so. It also say's that God carry's our sorrows. I am so sorry for your friends.


I know what you're going thru as her friend.. I know.


jAMiE said...

So sad...a lovely post.
I don't know what else to say, sorry for their loss just doesn't seem enough.