Sunday, April 06, 2008

Beating the Blues

I'm feeling a little better today. Thanks to everyone who stopped by and offered some suggestions for dealing with stress.

The first thing I tried was Margaret's suggestion. Getting out of the house. Getting the heck out of Dodge. Getting away from everything making me feel totally-batty-crazy-nuts. I spent most of Saturday morning doing benign errands all by myself--had the car windows down and the radio turned way up loud, singing along. Sweet relief. Then I came home, changed clothes and got my hands dirty. Literally. I dug around in the garden, pulled up some of last year's weeds, did some de-thatching and then lugged around 40 pounds of dirt and seed to fill some bare spots in the lawn. I was exhilarated.

The payoff to fanatical gardening? Last week, where only tiny hints of green were starting to poke through, today turned into this:

Tiny little snow crocuses. Of course, the snow is gone (thank goodness!), but better late than never! I don't know why that white one looks so fuzzy. I think something's wrong with my camera. I took a bunch of pictures today, and the color was washed out and the light was fuzzy in all of them. Bummer.

Anyway, next I decided to try Katie's suggestion. She agreed with Margaret in that I needed to get out of the house, but thought maybe something a little more aggressive would be helpful.

I had been slacking off on exercising, which isn't good, so I threw in a Tae Bo DVD. Not quite the Kung Fu that seems to help Katie, but it still felt good to get out some frustrations. I used to do kickboxing back in college and I really enjoyed it. I like working out, but the treadmill and bike get boring after a while. I just feel like I should be doing so much more with my body--moving, shaking, dancing, whatever. My hubby isn't really interested in dancing with me, but I just realized that there isn't a rule that says I can't go dancing without him...

I considered Christine's suggestion of getting out and getting a hotel room for myself. The only hitch with that is that in my town, the inexpensive motels aren't exactly reputable. So instead, after the kiddo went to bed last night, I isolated myself downstairs, ate some Cheetos, watched mindless television for a little while, then settled down with a good book. I crawled upstairs when I finally started getting sleepy. I left the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, didn't fold the laundry that was sitting in the dryer and didn't mop my kitchen floor. All chores for another time.

I went to church this morning. I usually stay until the final hymn is finished, often sitting alone in the open, cavernous space, just getting lost in my thoughts and in prayer. There's something very healing about that, just being alone in a house of God. Today though, that was interrupted by my bladder, which kept calling out, "Gotta go, gotta go." So, I skipped out right after Communion. I sat in the parking lot for a few minutes, basking in the sunshine and thinking about Missy and Cheryl expressing concern that I might be experiencing some depression. You know, I might be. The only real depression I experienced before was post-partum, and that got pretty severe. I don't feel like that, but I suppose the fact that I'm not fully enjoying things the way I used to is of concern. Although now that I think about it, I hit a rough patch last year about this time when my insulin and thyroid levels were a little crazy. I'm due for a checkup with the doctor soon, so I should mention it and see what he thinks. Could be medical, could be related to a series of very unhappy work issues, could be related to the fact that I'm chronically sleep deprived. Maybe all, maybe none. I'll let the doctor figure that out.

My computer shut down right after that last sentence. When I got back into my blog, I saw that Catherine left a comment, too. Funny about the Franklin Covey thing. I haven't been to a workshop, but I follow the principles...they're included in my Franklin Covey day planner! The saying "no" thing...that I need to work on. A lot.

Anyway, the best part of the weekend so far can be summed up in the following pictures:

Here's my girl (such a big girl!) climbing up one of those goofy ladder-thingies...

And here she is getting ready to go down the slide with dear old dad...

Hanging out on the swings with mom...I've determined that the reason kids are so thin is because running around the park and pumping legs on the swings really is a good workout. I need to do this more often...

No complaints today. I've got a nice, meaty chicken cooking in the crock pot and the house smells yummy, which is nice after the whole sour milk thing. I think I might make some zucchini with it, maybe toss it with some brown rice. I'm debating whether to make a blueberry cobbler or a pumpkin spice cake for dessert. I'm thinking this is what it feels like to feel like my old self.

1 comment:

Cheryl said...

You really took all the advice to heart, and actually you sound so much better. I guess one day at a time with taking time to smell the roses. I'd also recommend smiling, even when you don't feel especially happy. Somehow it gets the happiness juices going. It's been kind of a down weekend for me, but I'm optimistic that it will be better, hopefully tomorrow.