Monday, March 31, 2008

Somewhere in the Shadows...

There’s something that’s been nagging at me for a few months. Something that's just kind of hanging out in the background of my mind.

It started off as a feeling of uncertainty about the future. Back in January, I had received an electronic training calendar that covered six months of meetings, etc. at work. Being a little (or a lot) Type A, I started filling in my desk calendar and personal planner. I got through May, but when I went to flip the page to get into June, there was a very clear, very distinct voice in my head that spoke so fast, I almost didn’t hear it. It said, “Don’t go past May.”

Weird. I tried to ignore it the first time, but when I went to flip the page in the calendar, I heard it again. “Don’t go past May.” It was kind of creepy and I tried to ignore it, but each time I tried to flip the calendar, I heard it. “Don’t go past May.” I gave up on it that day, thinking it was my conscience telling me that I needed to slow down a little and enjoy each day as it comes. It was something I decided to work on at the beginning of this year—learning to live in the moment a little more.

The thing that’s really bugging me is that was back in January. There have been several times since then that I’ve gone to flip forward to jot something down for May or June—or even September when I’m planning on attending a three-day conference—but that same voice, which is growing more insistent, keeps saying, “Don’t go past May.”

I don’t know what that means. I was starting to think I was I was getting a little nutty (or nuttier, as the case may be), but it’s not something that’s scaring me. It just seems like I need to be paying attention, that’s all.

Now, the ironic part is that there have been some changes in my professional life recently—I was offered an extra class at the university in the fall, which means I’ll be up to teaching three nights per week, which I’m both excited and nervous about. But for my full-time job, there have been a few odd occurrences, too. In addition to my regular responsibilities in Behavioral Health, I run a small private practice, and two of my regular clients informed me that they’re going to be moving in June and would be transferring services to another therapist at that time. They informed me of this AFTER I heard the voice telling me “Don’t go past May.” Even more ironic is that two weeks ago, the same two clients told me on the same day that their move dates had been moved up…to May. I think it’s probably just a coincidence, but who knows?

Maybe I’m being hypersensitive or too superstitious. But even now, when it’s practically April, I still can’t flip forward to jot things down for June. Strange, huh?

On a funnier (and entirely unrelated) note, I’ve blogged about the suspected ghosts in my house, but last night was beyond amusing. My sister Catherine was visiting, and she was not amused when my daughter’s miniature potty chair started flushing and talking. She told me I need to get the house blessed in a hurry, because there’s something strange going on. I told her that I think the ghost is a child and just enjoying my daughter’s toys. I don’t want to shoo away a nice, harmless ghost. She asked me how I cope with it, because it is kind of spooky. I told her that I just say a short prayer, asking God to send His angels to take charge of our home and keep us all safe. Then I got to thinking that maybe my daughter’s Guardian Angel is a child and it’s him/her having a good old time with her toys when my daughter is safely sleeping. That makes me feel pretty good, because it means that the angels are already there! And hey, I’m all for the angels taking a break and following labor laws—as long as one is still looking after my munchkin.

And as long as there’s one helping me figure out why I shouldn’t go past May…

3 comments:

jAMiE said...

I like your thoughts on your daughters guardian angel...i believe in angels...

Margaret said...

Perhaps if you buy a lottery ticket this month, you'll win...and that's why you won't need to worry about your calendar in May!

Catherine said...

Ooh, I like Margaret's idea. Don't forget: I have student loans, too! ;-)