Thursday, November 08, 2007

End of the Year Resolutions

One of my co-workers said this to me yesterday: “Hey Atlas. You’re slumping under the weight of the world.” I laughed, straightened up and wiped the scowl off my face. Things aren’t so bad.

I believe there’s a fine life between being unhappy, being disappointed and being dissatisfied with one’s own life.

I think I equate unhappiness with a combination of being really miserable, sad and angry. It’s the mentality of, “This is hopeless. I’m hopeless.” I don’t feel those things. Thank goodness!

Being disappointed is sort of like, “This isn’t what I thought it was going to be. Definitely not what I was planning on when I planned out my life!” But there’s an element of hope, because the downward turn of life and circumstances can be changed.

The most frustrating position, I think, is just being dissatisfied. It’s sort of like, “There’s so much more I could be doing, so much more I should be doing. So much more that I want to do!”

I know I’m not alone in this. I know I’m also not alone in the struggle of finding my way in life (I just made a funny…finding my way…that’s the name of my blog!). There is so much that I want to do with my life, and I always have this sort of low-grade frantic feeling that I’m running out of time. I mean, we’re all running out of time, in some general way. Life is finite and I think being aware of that is so important if we’re going to live the way we really want to. Jeepers criminy, I sound like an existential philosopher. But the thought and the meaning behind it is true.

I had a bit of an emotional meltdown Tuesday night and told my husband, “I just want to be finished with something!” We moved into our house before our daughter was born, and we still need to paint and do some odds and ends around the place. I have a book that’s dangling near the finish line, but I’m too busy being a wife and mom and working and teaching to finish the thing. I have half a dozen art projects that need finishing. I have a how-to book so I can crochet a blanket. I have hundreds of photos that I need to finish organizing. And I realize that it’s not having too much to do that’s stressing me out. It’s the fact that nothing’s finished!

That’s when it hit me. That’s where that general feeling of dissatisfaction is coming from! I take on too much, no doubt, but I do it to myself. Then I get angry when I don’t finish it. I’d always been good at goal-setting and goal-meeting. I got way off track over the past few years. Kind of lost myself and my identity over the course of saving a marriage, being a mom, teaching therapists-to-be how to be therapists…and occasionally donning tights, boots and a cape to crush the evil in the world. The “old” me would have said, “Nope, I’m not doing anything else until [X] is finished. And I’m definitely not doing anything until I find a replacement for these control-top tights, hideous boots and cape.” I mean, what woman can save the world when her control-top whatevers are cutting off her circulation?

Now that I’ve ditched the control-top tights for a pair of baggy jeans that flow nicely over my bodacious booty and I’m in tennis shoes and a trendy wrap in place of boots and a cape, I think I’m going to go back to my original mentality. One thing at a time, one day at a time. So, onto my End of the Year Resolutions...

Goal #1: Finish organizing my closet. I’m going to buy the rest of the stuff I need from Target and get it done by Sunday night. Once that’s finished, I’ll focus on Goal #2: Painting the downstairs bathroom. The one that I painted last year, only to find out two days later that the hardware store sold me bedroom paint, not bathroom paint. The water streaks are getting on my nerves. It’ll be good to get that done. I plan on finishing that by next Friday. I’ll come up with more goals after that.

Hey, I’m feeling more satisfied already!


Margaret said...

Your goals seem reasonable--good luck!

Cheryl said...

And in the end, you figured it out. One do-able thing at a time. Keep us posted, OK? I still get a high when I go down to my basement and see it organized.

jAMiE said...

I got tired just reading your post..kidding. One thing at a time seems best...good luck with it.

Rhette said...

Good post