Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Walking the Walk

I keep telling myself that life isn’t supposed to be this difficult. Well, maybe difficult isn’t exactly the right word, because I know people who are far worse off than I am. I think what I mean is that when you do everything “right”, when you do everything you’re “supposed” to do, and in the order you’re supposed to do it, it seems like things should just naturally fall into place.

The past two years have taught me so much. I know now that there is no “right” way to do things. Yes, I can choose to walk on a path that I think God would approve of, but if there are some slips along the way, I don’t necessarily think that it’s because I’ve done anything wrong.

Sometimes, bad things happen.

Healthy people suddenly develop medical conditions that interfere with quality of life. Robust, cheerful babies develop health problems that lead to a lifetime of complications. Stable marriages crumble. Dream jobs turn into living, waking nightmares that must be endured for forty hours per week. Thankfully, medical conditions and health problems can often be managed, even if not cured…marriages can be put back together…dream jobs can change.

I think that long before I came to be on this Earth, God knew what my destiny would be. I also believe that even though I have free will and choose what direction I will take, God still knows what the outcome will be.

There are people I know who blame God when bad things happen, but when good things happen, they attribute it to something they’ve done themselves. I’m the opposite. I don’t think that God necessarily causes bad things to happen. I find it hard to believe that God would, say, willfully strike a child with a fatal form of cancer. I think He knows what lies in store for that child and that family, and He weeps when the family weeps, all the while holding the grieving parents in His hands and hoping that they will turn to Him in their time of need. But I also believe that He rejoices in knowing that He will care for and love that innocent child until the time comes for the child to be reunited with the parents.

Now don’t get me wrong. Yes, there are times when I question God, especially when things have taken a bad turn. But I don’t sit around wallowing in my own self-pity, asking, “How could God do this to me?” Instead, I think, “God, how am I going to get through this?” I may not always hear His answer, but the answer must be there…because I obviously got through it and I’m still here. And He’s still here.

Dear God,

Today, I choose to remember that it’s not a sign of weakness to let You be strong for me. Help me be comfortable in the knowledge that You will be there to lift me up and help me walk on my path, even when I feel like I can’t take another step. I pray that in my moments of weakness, I realize how strong You made me.


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