Sunday, March 18, 2007

Good Old Catholic Guilt

I did something very naughty this past week...

It really wasn't that bad, but I know I shouldn't have done it. And, being Catholic, I do have a sense of guilt about it. But I'm worried that I don't feel guilty enough. See, I've always kind of associated feeling guilty with being sorry for something. It was a point driven into the developing brains of us Catholic-school kids by our very religious teachers. If you feel guilty, it means you should be sorry.

The problem for me is that what I did doesn't exactly score on the Richter scale of sins. Sure, it wasn't nice. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. And the reason I did it (in all honesty) was petty and mean. So why did I do it? Because I felt like it. Even worse, I felt good after I did it. And I did it three times! Once on (I think) Monday, and then twice on Friday!

And I don't feel guilty because of what I did. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty enough. Isn't that bizarre? What's wrong with me? (Thank you in advance for not answering, because yes, I know there are plenty of things wrong with me!)

I'm supposed to be going to confession this upcoming Tuesday and I know I need to get this off my chest. I'm just not entirely sure how I'm going to approach it. Do I tell the priest what I did wrong and also fess up to the fact that I don't really feel sorry about it? Is that a sin by itself? Not feeling sorry?

I hope I don't burst into flames or anything...

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